Saturday, January 3, 2009

Are You Sure, Lord?

Ever have one of those times when you sense God is leading you somewhere but you think to yourself, "are you sure, Father?" I had one of those moments the other day.

I've never heard God in an audible voice, but like many of you I've discerned God's voice through scriptures, meditation and prayer, my husband, my sister friends and sometimes when my heart starts pounding. I believe there are times like those that the spirit is leading. Other times, I believe God has gotten my attention through dreams. When we are looking for him, he is definitely there! (Even when we aren't, he is there.)

I had gone home for work to check on our oldest daughter. She had had some events happen that had rightfully thrown her into some grieving. As she and I spoke she quietly cried. My heart ached for her hurt. I asked God for guidance on what to do and the thought came that she and I should go out and "pay it forward." I shared this thought with her and she acquiesced but I think was wondering if her momma was out of her ever-loving mind.

As we drove around the streets of Abilene, she sat in the passenger seat, ever so silently, while tears streamed down her cheeks. My heart was breaking in two! Yet, I felt compelled to drive on and see what God would reveal.

We ended up at the Greyhound bus station where a young woman was standing outside all alone. We pulled up beside her and after assuring her we were o.k. I told her that I had been very blessed and wanted to "pay it forward" and give her some money. She told us she was on her way to Dallas to see her children. I told her to do something nice for the kids.

Now before you go and think how noble and kind I am, DON'T! I was desperately trying to find out what God would have me to do because I simply didn't have a clue. (Still don't if truth be told.)

We pulled out of the parking lot and I began looking for another "pay it forward" recipient. We drove and drove and our eldest sat quietly while tears streamed down . . . still. Finally, I uttered to God, "why am I driving all over our city trying to pay it forward when our eldest is hurting right here in the seat next to me?" At this point I turned around and went home with her just to spend some time.

The next day our eldest told me she had used some other money to pay it forward and how great it had made her feel. She then went on to tell me she is considering the Peace Corps. Well, sometimes when drastic things happen in our lives, drastic actions need to happen, too.

I'd sure appreciate your prayers for direction for our oldest daughter. She has such a beautiful, passionate young heart. We never know what will happen when we follow God's leading, but I know one thing for certain. God is faithful. The end.



Sheryl said...

Lila, what a great mom you are! I know you're not looking for compliments but I just had to tell you that.

It's hard to follow God when we don't know what He is up to. Which truly is most of the time. I am trying to be a better listener and a "doer" of what He says.

So glad to have met you along this journey.


JoAnn said...

Immediately, this came to me:
Ruth 1:16 But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.
Going is hard for mama's and daughters. Obediance to Him, even more difficult. I'm praying His will is blanently apparent to you both. Much love, sweet one, Jo Ann

Anonymous said...


I am currently "stuck" at my grandparent's due to the frigid cold.. but, I finally have somewhat constant internet connection. I am praying.

Love Shandi.

Sharon said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sharon said...

Hearing of your daughter's grief, and knowing that yours is greater as you watch your daughter suffer to this extent, leaves a great big lump in my throat.

I pray that God gives you both peace in the consolation that God is using this period of time to prepare your child -- and you--for something more.

I'm so glad you are flexible in your plans for what to do in any situation. We found ourselves in such a one this morning, too. At this point in our lives, we have learned that life is too short to "do what we're supposed to" anyway, so, like with you, that is in our favor.

We were almost ready to go to church and realized it was not going to happen - again. Due to colds and such things, we've missed being with our church family so much lately that we may have to reintroduce ourselves when we do make it back.

Anyway, our neighbors who have become as our own children, have received some devastating news which they were hesitating about telling us.

So instead of going to church like we were supposed to, we ended up visiting, playing card games, eating good stuff, resting, and watching their favorite TV show, lots of praying (mostly silent, personal), and listening while they developed a plan of action.

But somehow God used the time to give peace to a young couple who have lost employment because of the present world situation, to see how He is working in all of it -- and has been the whole time. When they left about an hour ago, they were obviously content - and so were we - knowing God is leading them.

Not everything ends up with our feeling peace about a situation, in seeing hope for a desired outcome. Sometimes we just cannot see any hope for any good. So we just trust in our Father and walk on with Him. And there is peace. In fact, it seems like that kind of peace finds its home a little deeper into our souls.

We pray for peace, whether easier or more difficult, to always be yours, and especially through the present pain.