Ever have one of those times when you sense God is leading you somewhere but you think to yourself, "are you sure, Father?" I had one of those moments the other day.
I've never heard God in an audible voice, but like many of you I've discerned God's voice through scriptures, meditation and prayer, my husband, my sister friends and sometimes when my heart starts pounding. I believe there are times like those that the spirit is leading. Other times, I believe God has gotten my attention through dreams. When we are looking for him, he is definitely there! (Even when we aren't, he is there.)
I had gone home for work to check on our oldest daughter. She had had some events happen that had rightfully thrown her into some grieving. As she and I spoke she quietly cried. My heart ached for her hurt. I asked God for guidance on what to do and the thought came that she and I should go out and "pay it forward." I shared this thought with her and she acquiesced but I think was wondering if her momma was out of her ever-loving mind.
As we drove around the streets of Abilene, she sat in the passenger seat, ever so silently, while tears streamed down her cheeks. My heart was breaking in two! Yet, I felt compelled to drive on and see what God would reveal.
We ended up at the Greyhound bus station where a young woman was standing outside all alone. We pulled up beside her and after assuring her we were o.k. I told her that I had been very blessed and wanted to "pay it forward" and give her some money. She told us she was on her way to Dallas to see her children. I told her to do something nice for the kids.
Now before you go and think how noble and kind I am, DON'T! I was desperately trying to find out what God would have me to do because I simply didn't have a clue. (Still don't if truth be told.)
We pulled out of the parking lot and I began looking for another "pay it forward" recipient. We drove and drove and our eldest sat quietly while tears streamed down . . . still. Finally, I uttered to God, "why am I driving all over our city trying to pay it forward when our eldest is hurting right here in the seat next to me?" At this point I turned around and went home with her just to spend some time.
The next day our eldest told me she had used some other money to pay it forward and how great it had made her feel. She then went on to tell me she is considering the Peace Corps. Well, sometimes when drastic things happen in our lives, drastic actions need to happen, too.
I'd sure appreciate your prayers for direction for our oldest daughter. She has such a beautiful, passionate young heart. We never know what will happen when we follow God's leading, but I know one thing for certain. God is faithful. The end.