My friend, Cheryl's daddy died today. Her daddy. Their family learned about 4 or 5 weeks ago that he cancer. He went down very quickly. I think she was relieved he was finally going to get to go to heaven and not have to suffer. She's grieving, naturally, but is taking great hope in the fact that he's meeting Jesus and seeing his parents and his brother.
I remember when my daddy died 4 1/2 years ago. My "diddy". It was very sudden, like blink your eyes and he was gone, sudden. We had no real warning. Of course my daddy went to the doctor whether he needed to or not every 20 years.
I remember people would ask me how old my daddy was when he died (83 years) and say stupid stuff like, "well at least he had a good long life." Don't say that. After a while, I was saying to myself, "well, at least he had a good long life." I was sharing with someone that my dad had passed away the month before and actually said to them, "well, at least he had a good long life." And they said...get this..."Yes, but he was your daddy." Exactly. It was at that point that I was able to cry uncontrollably and let God have my feelings.
When Vann and I were walking tonight we got to talking about my mom (who is in a nursing home) and his mom (who died from cancer at 49 years of age). Neither of those seem just. My mom is now being fed pureed food. ??????
Mom never wanted to live like this. At the same time to not feed her would be starving her. Such huge ethical issues. Mom used to tell me, "If I ever end up in a nursing home, please just make sure my hair is done." We tried, Mom, but you got to the point in your dementia that you threw the curlers out of your hair.
I know God is in control, but this isn't tidy and I don't like it. There. I've said it. I don't like it. That's o.k. God still loves me. I still love him. I don't have to like everything or understand anything at all.
Tonight I can just "be" with these thoughts and hand them over to my Father. Daddy God, I was just wondering... Can I climb in your lap?